Friday, May 9, 2008

Sins of A Gardener

[Postcard Art montage of my garden ferns and a hobo knowingly touching his nose with caption here be hermits done in 1970 style]
Hermits Wanted
Do People Piss You Off?
Want To Get Away From It All?
Like to Read - A Lot?

Then we have a job for you!

Hermits wanted for ornamentation of gentleman's estate. You must never be seen. If you have to poke your head out of your grotto/cave home, it better have a long, long beard on it and be stroked by your long, long fingernails. You will be paid a small fortune, but not until you complete 5 years of service as a garden ancient - an ornamental hermit . If you don't last the five years you forfeit all earnings.

Yes, it was quite the fad in the 18th century to have a live ornamental hermit installed in your garden estate. The most famous employer of one of these decorative solitudinarians was Charles Hamilton. (Hmmm I wonder if good old Chuck is sitting in my family tree somewhere?)


daizyblue said...

I would like to apply for the hermit position. I am a little tall (5 foot 8), and a little loud (5 competing brothers and sisters) for the job, but I do have a few stray hairs on my big toe that might move you in my favor.
Thank you for your consideration.

Tworks Hamilton-Miller

West Coast Island Gardener said...

Dear Hairy Toe,

Thank you for your application for resident hermit. The position has been filled by a local. I see by your spelling of favour that you are not from our parts and may not know what is meant by a grey coloured touque. Which is not significant really, unless I left you a note to please wear one and the language barrier would cause you to pluck a rare wildflower as a boutonniere and put it in your buttonhole.

However, you may be considered for the position as garden gnome where the risk of abduction and world travel would make use of your foreign spelling of favor in your favour should you end up in America.

In conclusion, as I know you to be such a delight and a bit of a will-o-the-wisp, you are best suited as garden nymph, sylph or fairy.

In short, thank you for your comment,eh!

Yours truly,
Ogre of the Garden Brae